🎵 These Four Walls: The Loneliness No One Talks About in Leadership

By Tekeisha Zimmerman | The Leadership Jukebox
Leadership lessons that stay with you like a hook that won’t let go.

While listening to Khamari’s “These Four Walls,” I paused and just sat with the lyrics.

“These four walls keep me company / They don’t ask for much / Don’t just up and leave…” 

Khamari’s R&B ballad of longing, distance, and emotional solitude gave language to something I’ve heard countless times. Leadership can be lonely. 

For 3 weeks, my team and I conducted empathy interviews with people leaders across our organization. It’s part of a human-centered design initiative to help build a foundational leadership development program that we’ll launch first to those newly promoted or hired into people leadership roles.

We expected to hear about performance challenges, time management, stakeholder wrangling. But what we didn’t expect was the theme of loneliness. As one leader stated:

“There comes a time during 1:1s where you realize people don’t share the same information with you that they used to. It’s a very lonely feeling.”

It reminded me of the work I led at Expedia, building a leadership onboarding program for VP+ executives. Loneliness came up there too even at the highest levels. It’s not a new feeling, but it is a quiet one. And because no one wants to admit it, it lingers like a ghost in corner offices and home offices alike.

So this week on The Leadership Jukebox, I want to talk about it.

I want to talk about the part of leadership that has you staring at the ceiling at 3AM, wondering if anyone really sees you now that you’re “in charge.”

Here are three lessons to help you navigate the inevitable isolation that comes with being a people leader, and how to build connection in the spaces where it seems most out of reach.

Let’s press play.

1. Stay Human on Purpose

“These four walls been talking to me / Sayin’ don’t get too close to nobody”

Leadership doesn’t require you to become less of yourself. But the pressure can trick you into thinking it does. When you’re navigating budget decisions, leading performance reviews, or managing through change, it’s easy to prioritize strategy over humanity.

Don’t.

Khamari’s lyric reminds us that loneliness can creep in when we choose to pull back. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Here’s how to stay human, on purpose:

• Find your people. Join peer spaces like ATD chapters, SHRM communities, or online groups like LeadX with Kevin Kruse where other leaders are building with both heart and hustle.

• Start a leadership circle. Invite 3–5 peers to meet once a month for open conversation. No slide decks. Just real talk about what it means to lead well.

• Build a “Monday Minute” ritual. Take 60 seconds each Monday to ask: “What does human-first leadership look like for me this week?” Then write it down. Anchor to it. Return to it.

🎤 Mic drop moment: Your title changed, not your humanity. Keep showing up fully human while leading other humans.

2. Close the Gap Between You and Your Team

“Feel like nobody know me at all / And I just keep my distance”

Let’s be honest: once you’re promoted, things change. People tell you less. They filter more. And the natural camaraderie that once felt effortless might shift into something more cautious.

That doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong, it means you need to build a new kind of trust.

Khamari’s lyric captures what so many new (and seasoned) leaders feel: disconnected, unseen, maybe even isolated in plain sight. So how do you reestablish connection?:

• Hold a “New Chapter” kickoff. After a promotion, reintroduce yourself. Acknowledge the shift. Invite your team to co-create communication norms and clarify what’s changing and what’s not.

• Schedule monthly “Connection Rounds.” No agenda. Just 15 minutes per person to ask: “What’s bringing you energy lately?” and “Where could you use more support?”

• Use external reflection spaces. Whether it’s a mentor, a group text with other managers, or a LinkedIn leadership circle, give yourself somewhere to be the one asking for advice.

🎤 Mic drop moment: You don’t have to bridge the gap alone, but you do have to take the first step.

3. Build Emotional Maintenance Into Your Leadership Routine

“Don’t know how to talk about the way I feel / But I do this for survival”

Leadership is emotional labor. And when you’re constantly holding space for others by giving feedback, navigating change, and answering endless Slack messages, your own emotions need somewhere to go.

If they don’t? Burnout will find you.

Khamari’s lyric isn’t just poetic. It’s real. Too many leaders push through instead of processing. And survival isn’t a sustainable strategy.

Here’s how to build emotional maintenance into your week:

• Block an hour for “Focus Time”. Once a week, schedule protected time. Journal. Meditate. Walk. Just don’t multitask. This is your reset.

• Create a Feelings File. Track tough moments in a Notion doc or even a voice memo app: what triggered you, how you responded, and what you’d do next time.

• Normalize emotional fluency at work. Open your next team meeting with a vibe check: “What’s your headline today?” or “Name your week in a song lyric.” Make it safe to feel things even while getting things done.

🎤 Mic drop moment: Caring is part of the job. But you can’t care for others well if you’re emotionally underwater. Maintenance = muscle.

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Final Verse: You Don’t Have to Lead Alone

Leadership doesn’t have to feel like being stuck inside four metaphorical walls.

You can create micro-moments of community. You can build rituals that keep you grounded. You can name the feeling and choose not to mask it.

The people you lead will remember how you made them feel. But just as important? You’ll remember how leadership made you feel.

Let that memory be one of humanity, connection, and clarity.

TL;DR: Loneliness Remix

• Your role may change, but your need for connection doesn’t.

• Silence isn’t rejection. It’s an invitation to rebuild trust differently.

• You can be a powerful leader and still need people. Both things can be true.

So take a deep breath. You’re not the only one who feels this. And lead like connection is possible even when it feels out of reach.